THE OTHER SIDE: humor

Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Taste of Love

Those who love live in a different dimension. Recent news from two different parts of the world caught my attention this week which reaffirm this belief. Their love surpasses the weirdness involved. It again reminds you that Love Is Blind and it Requires No Language to Communicate.

The one story is from America of marriage of 24 year old girl with 68 year old man. This is not something that has happened for the first time but what they discovered while watching the old man's family album I am sure never happened before. The girl found her father's childhood picture in the old man’s album with other children and her grandmother. The old man told her that woman was her first wife and the children in it were theirs. He added that she left somewhere with her children which remained untraceable even after laborious search by him. That makes old man the young wife's grandfather. The news didn't mention the confusion after that but we can imagine the turmoil in that girl's mind. That news would have snatch away the ground beneath the girl’s feet but will not able to snatch away their love which has now perhaps changed from Husband-Wife Love to Grandfather-Granddaughter affection. A strange relation isn’t it.

The second story is lovely one about the connection between people of two nationalities. A vlogger from America and a teenage boy from conservative South Arabia started talking through video chat online. They both were unaware of each other's languages yet through their gestures, expressions, emotions and some broken language understand each other. When their conversation video went viral and more than 60 billion people watched, laughed and also appreciated them the boy was arrested by Saudi officials for breaking the rules of the conservative society which don't allow intermingling of unknown men and women. He was arrested and according to Saudi law may get two-three years imprisonment. A strange law isn’t it. I hope they met in a different scenario after these years and share this unique human bond without any fear.

I will never know what will be the future of these stories unless newspaper will report it but reading them made me think about this stories and diverted my attention from fear,hatred and war. Expect it do the same for you.

World Yoga Day - New Aasan

International Yoga Day on 21st June 2015 was an eye catching event owing to its vastness and reach. The PM famous for his marketing and event management skills stood victorious again at this time in making it a world event without any flaws if we ignore some asanas (posture) he performed wrong. But I am not here to praise the achievements of this day since our PM expert in Swayam Prashansan (Self-Praise Posture) is enough for this, I am here to make you aware of the few New Aasanas (postures) trending in the country.

Ram Madhav with his latest tweet after World Yoga Day about Vice President Hamid Ansari joined the league of other BJP leaders like Sakshi Maharaj, Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi, Yogi Adityanath and some others who are expert practitioner of Murkh Samvad Aasan (Foolish Talking Posture). In this aasan the practitioner speaks without knowing the facts and repercussions of his sayings as Ram Madhav did with his tweet without knowing that Vice President was not invited for the event due to protocol perhaps he was trying the age old favorite Sampradayik Aasan (communal posture) of RSS and BJP.

Recently PM Narender Modi who has become a pro in Ulat Palat Asan (Shuffle Posture) by changing his views on various issues before and after the General elections has now learnt Maun Aasan (Silent Posture) by keeping silent on Lalit Modi, Vasundhara Raje and Sushma Swaraj's Bhrashtachaar Aasan (Corruption Posture) which sources close to him claims he has learnt from Manmohan Singh the former Prime Minister of India during their 45 minutes meeting recently at 7 Race Course Road. It is not difficult to understand that PM is a quick learner the use of Made In China yoga mats despite his urge for Make In India appears to be the practice of Jumla Aasan (Phrase Posture) taught by Amit Shah to him and used previously for Black Money issue.

Modi government in partnership with Arvind Kejriwal lead Delhi government is also doing Kathputli Aasan (Puppet posture) and Nautanki Aasan (Drama posture) with Delhi L.G Najeeb Jung leading the troops leaving Delhi citizens in Tang Aasan (Trouble posture) due to restrictions in developmental work. The already troubled public is fed up of all these aasanas of politicians and want something to uplift their spirit, though Rahul Gandhi's Sakriya Aasan ( Active Posture) brings some hope but they are not stopping doing Shanka Asan (doubt posture) looking at his previous performances.

Just keep practicing yoga taught by Yoga Gurus for healthy mind, body and soul because politically taught aasanas have bad effect not only on our health but the health of society and nation.

Ambitions of A Litterbug

image source here

I have dreams or I should say that we have dreams, my team the members of my community who are struggling for a name and fame in the society at least some respect from are fellow citizens. We are the neglected lot in this country. There are people who fought for the rights of women, children, LGBT , SC, ST,etc but none comes to cater our demands for the equality or rather superiority in the society for our services to the great country of ours India.

Afters years of humiliation from the society we have decided to come together to raise our demands and make our talent known not only in the country but throughout the world. Actually sometimes I think these foreigners understands us better that our own countrymen. They are the true jewelers to value the gems like us. They click pictures of our arts of those beautiful textures we made with paan and guthka spits on roadside walls, the garbage we throw to show our high consumption of food items are their favorite and not to forget the patches of plaster falling from walls after years of constant urinating such patches caught their immediate attention. The foreign tourists regularly visits just to see our creations not only at public places and roads but also at historical monuments. But still no special mentions of our services on public platforms.

It is sad to say that the talent admired by foreigners remained neglected at its place of birth. I sometimes feel ashamed when people just move aside keeping hands on their noses after seeing someone urinating on the walls and thus ignoring his artistic urge of giving a unique texture to that wall. My friend Paan Singh is a champion paan spitter, he can aim from a distance of about 10 feet and it is hard to get Gutkiya Lal's intensity while spitting guthka from his mouth. Shanno Aunty is a champion garbage bag thrower, her bag falls at a same place daily from balcony of third floor and not to forget my girlfriend she herself is unaware of the fact that the plastic bottle she threw out from moving car always falls on the road without hitting anybody an unmatched talent I would say.

There are numerous such talents like Peshab Bahudur, Kuda Khan, Thook lal,etc which went unnoticed due to the sorry state of our country in recognizing skillful people. Here I would like to thank The Times of India for providing us the platform to show our talents to the world through The Great Indian website. Here you can post pictures of these unknown people, their creations and help them to exhibit their skills. I would also like to appeal to the PM, the Indian Olympic Association, the Sports Ministry to look into the matter and give us chance to shine by demanding spitting competitions in Olympics. I assure you to win all three medals in this sports for the country. Moreover their must be some efforts from the government to highlight this talent and give some respect to us. I also demands Bharat Ratna for Paan Chand for his contribution in every expect of littering.

Here is a video by The The Great Indian website displaying some of us with their skills:

This post is written for The Great Indian Litterbug Happy Hours on Indiblogger

Trustworthy

" I love you from the bottom of my heart," she was the third girl in a week to whom he was repeating the same sentence and in the same jubilant manner.

She neglected him when he advanced to kiss her and stared towards the door as looking for someone.

Suddenly door opened with a thud and two girls entered when both of them was compact in each other's arm.

These two girls were called by the girl in his arms to show his real face to them as she was friend to these girls.

They scolded him and threw him out of the room for breaching their trust while he dusted off his clothes and walked away to find a girl more trustworthy than all of them.

This post is linked to Three Word Wednesday #404 ( compact,jubilant,neglected ) and Five Sentence Fiction (trust ).

Viscous Solution

Victory smile was spreading over his face after preparing that viscous solution which would change his fortune. He was researching for last five years about a liquid substance which would replace patrol. The solution prepared from plant extracts and other things would be a cheaper fuel. He filled the solution in an empty bottle to show it to his seniors scientists the next day in the laboratory. They would be surprised for his adept research single-handedly.

He slept in satisfaction only to wake up with the sound of a fire alarm. Fierce fire caught his kitchen, his servant and his wife rushed outside from there towards the exit gate. He too followed them with his bottle. Before fire fighter could reach the spot whole house was under fire. At that point he noticed that he picked the wrong bottle." Where is my bottle." " Which bottle?" His wife asked. " A bottle containing a solution." She told that she had removed that edible oil's bottle from his room and kept that water bottle in its place.

" We should complain about that oil,it caught wire when Radhe heat it to fry some snacks." He realized that owing to color and texture of that solution her wife used it as an edible oil and that's the reason his house was burning in fire. All his research papers were also burning inside his home lab. He had to start the whole process again.

Linking this post to Three Word Wednesday.

Taking part in A to Z challenge and Ultimate Blog Challenge

Today's alphabet is V and it's UBC DAY 25.

Bumper Sale

Everybody in our locality was talking about the new shop opened in the area and its bumper sale

" Yaar,all branded items no fakes" ,my friend said.

"But, how can one give such huge discounts when company have no such offers on other shops selling the same brand." " Brother discounts are not the only thing, you got scratch coupons on purchase above Rs 5999 with sure prices like TV sets,washing machine,etc."

" On the spot, prices?" " No, prices will be delivered to your homes within a month, one more thing which will shock you more." " What? A cashback for credit card purchase."

" No, cashback of 10% on cash purchases above Rs 10,000." "I am sure they must be stealing somewhere."

" You always doubt everyone." Then he gave me some knowledge of their honesty that how they called and gave Mr. Sharma the T - shirt he forgot in store and returned extra money given by Karan Uncle while purchasing a pair of Jeans.

" Chal na yaar! we should also go and shop there.In spite of such good offers ,we can still bargain for more" " Really! But I don't like places with so much crowd that's why I mostly prefer online shopping."

" But do they offer cashback." " I have not searched much but there must be sites which offer cashback but anyways I earn reward points on my debit card and I am happy with them."

He forced me to go with him,I denied but soon succumbed to his pressure," Let's go tomorrow morning , few people shop at that time." " Ok."

Next morning he came calling me fully charged up with energy and money and we went to that shop.

" Oh! It is close. Today must be their holiday." " No its a seven day open shop,let's ask someone"

I saw a police constable standing outside that shop. He told us that they have sealed the shop because they were selling stolen goods, the owner was absconding.

" They were selling fresh stocks with company tags,how they were stealing," my friend asked in surprise. " They were stealing from company warehouse,the warehouse keeper and the gate keeper were involved in that. They were doing it from last ten days."

My friend was shocked, the shop was opened ten days ago. They were selling as much they could before being caught by the company.

Casback, discount and coupons do exists and their are many sites online which offer this facility, one of such site is gopaisa.com.

This post is a part of the Shop, only to Save More! Activity by GoPaisa.com in association with BlogAdda.com.

Paan Khaye Uncle Ji Hamaro

Paan Khaye Uncle Ji Hamaro! ( My Uncle Eats Paan)

Manufacturing is a serious business and that too garment manufacturing,you need to be serious every time. Kabhi kabhi to dimaag ki waat lag jati hai. Being associated with that I also remain serious most of the time,but the business itself gave you chances to laugh out loud all your seriousness and worries in the form of some characters involved with it.( I feel like laughing remembering many of them.) Here I want to share an experience with one of our dealer from eastern Uttar Pardesh. I found most of the buyers from the group of people jinki #conditionserioushai but that one incident happened six years ago was special and still lingers in my mind.

Let me first tell you what I was doing in Lucknow. We have a manufacturing business where we make men's ethnic wear sherwani,designer suits,kurta sets,etc. We held biyearly exhibition in different cities to display our new collection for winter and summer. This was for the retailers in Uttar Pradesh at Hotel Park Inn, Lucknow, I think this hotel now has a different name. Our agents for the state brings various dealer to that hotel where we show them our collection and took order for the same par business ki detail mein jane se achcha hai ki mein point par aaon. I should now come to the point.

This was my first trip to such exhibition. On the second day of the event our agent brought a man there,he had already told us that he was very selective , a big dealer from eastern UP but a bit khadoos ( annoying ) . I am hiding his native city and his name for business purposes. He came inside the room with paan (Betel) in his mouth.From his first sight he looked as a person jiski condition serious thi. If 5-star would have been with me at that time,I would have offered him to bhagao his seriousness.He gestured with his hands to show designs without saying anything. He was watching each one closely and rejecting it in an instant,all were silently looking at him while I was observing his face. His mouth was filled with betel leaves,his motion of chewing them was moving his whole face in a funny way,red liquid was oozing out from his mouth,his facial expressions were suggesting that he would not going to order any design.

Since we knew that he always gave big orders and his payment is also on time from our sources we were hoping that he at least order a single design to initiate business with us but he stood up without any order and said ' Chalo bhai!'( Let's go) to our agent. Oops! With paan in your mouth you should be cautious while speaking. He emitted liquid residue of betel on a sherwani ( Groom's wedding attire) the most expensive of our collection and on his own shirt. All of us looked at him seriously which we got from him. It was then he smiled spit the remaining paan in spit-box kept for those who chew paan. He again sat down and said," Bansal Ji , ye wale design dobara dekhaiye,'( Mr.Bansal show these designs again) to our agent. He started giving order design after design,I was controlling my laughter at that time, soon he selected 90% of designs which he rejected before. He called his driver to bring his cheque book and issued a cheque as an advance payment to indicate that it was a confirm order.

While going he said with smile on his face," Ye wali sherwani ka dekh lena, sorry yaar."( Sorry! Please look into that sherwani.) " " Koi baat nahin sir, ye to hota rehta hai."( It's not a problem,such things happen) replied Mr Bansal and escorted him to his car. We break into laughter when he left. The paan stain worked as Cadbury 5 - Star in taking away his seriousness and gave us a huge order. One of our employee sang ' paan khaye sanyan hamaro' in satirical way to put a Bollywood tadka to the situation whose wordings I changed to ' paan khaye uncle hamaro mehngi sherwani par peek laal-laal."( My uncle eats paan,gave paan stains to expensive sherwani).

This post is written for #ConditionSeriousHai by Cadbury 5 Star at Indiblogger.

Diary Confessions - 3

I was waiting for my bus at the bus stop as my bike was at mechanics shop when she came there. I was playing a game on my phone when I caught her looking at me. I was clean shave than unlike my stubble look. I thought that my clean shaven look bowled her over. I knew that she was looking at me but I couldn't get the courage to say something to her. I was also looking at her covertly.

When at next moment I looked at her she was also looking at me, our eyes met my heart started beating fast. It was first time that something like that happened to me. She started coming towards me, I was getting goosebumps. Oh! My God. She stood near me and said that I should go back and shave again as some hairs were present above my lips and near ears. She told that her brother also did such mistakes during shaving , I made her reminded her brother studying in another state. I went back to home to shave again.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

This post is a part of the Protest Against Smelly Stubble Activity in association with BlogAdda.

I would like to tag Meenakshi Malohtra and Rupertt Wind in this post.

Just Joking

One of my colleague is a big fan of Emraan Hashmi, he usually follows his style and his looks. One can easily see him singing his songs not just that he also try to include his dialogues while talking. His phone ring tone,his caller tune,on wallpaper of his phone there is only Emraan Hashmi. This incidents happened during the release of Dirty Picture. He started growing his beard to have a stubble look like Emraan.

One day he asked me to take his picture in that stubble look so that he could upload it to face book. As soon as the photo uploaded he received a message from his girlfriend," What is this?" " What?" " What have you done to your face?" " Nothing!" " I am talking about that beard and mustache." " Oh! That's my Dirty Picture look of Emraan Hashmi." "Don't you know that I hate that smelly stubble. I like a clean-shaven look like SRK." Their argument increases with arrival of Shah Rukh Khan's name in it.

After few minutes I saw him dialing her number as she was not responding to his messages. When she picked the phone I heard him saying that he was just joking and made that look with his friends help using Photoshop. He also said that how he could do something not liked by her. I smiled and said to myself that it's better to let go things in just a joke when it started turning serious.

This post is a part of the Protest Against Smelly Stubble Activity in association with BlogAdda.
I would like to tag Rakesh Shrivastav, Aliasgar Mukhtiar and Umamaheshwari Anadane in this post.

Useless Parcel

About three-four years ago,I was reclining at home watching television when my mother came and said to me ," You are on holiday today that doesn't mean you can't shave, I hate that smelly stubble look of yours,It seems ugly on your face," I interrupted her with a dose of enlightening thought that body is mortal one should try to make one's soul beautiful at this point door bell interrupted me. I went outside there was a man with parcel. I was surprised to see a parcel with my name on it, because I hadn't order for anything.

He refused to give it to me because he could only gave that parcel to the one whose name was on it by verifying it with the photograph he had.He was carrying a photostat of my old photograph with a clean shaven face unmatched to my stubble face that day,my curiosity to open that parcel was also increasing so I made him wait for few minutes and shave off my beard and mustache my mother laughed at me.I went again to him with a new face and my driving license then he smiled and gave that parcel to me.

It was from a publication house.I remembered that I filled a form during my Delhi Book Fair visit for free comics and magazines.I opened it with excitement as this was the first time I was receiving something free but all my enthusiasm came to an end to see a magazine and lots of pamphlets with different subscription offers to be filled and send with a demand draft to receive their books and magazines. I threw them in dustbin and thought that why I shaved.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

This post is a part of the Protest Against Smelly Stubble Activity in association with BlogAdda.

I would like to tag Arish Dhawan, Roshan Yadaw and Saru Singhal in this post.

Stand Still

I am a bit lazy in a sense that I don't bother to spend time on things like hair cutting,shaving to enhance my looks and that put me in strange conditions many times. My mother,sisters,brother,sister in law all insists me to shave daily but I prefer to avoid their angry looks and commands,they give me examples of other boys of my age who are regular visitors of men's salon and one can hardly see them in beard and moustache. They said that my stubble and unkempt look present me older than my age and that it made me look dirty.

One day I went to a salon for hair trimming and shaved off my beard and moustache after about a month when I returned home my niece who is only one and a half years older was playing with her toys. Usually she ran towards me when I call her but that day my clean shaven look bowled her over , she stand still and didn't come to me instead hide herself behind her mother. I don't know she was shy or afraid of me. After a while she recognized me then came to me and kissed on my cheek which she used to avoid due to my heavy beard.Since than my habits have not changed but now I shave quite often to not to shock her again.

I am accepting Sarav's tag and writing this post in response to the same. I would like to tag Sivakartik,Jahid , A Rat and Bushra M

This post is a part of the Protest Against Smelly Stubble Activity in association with BlogAdda.

Betrayal

He knocked the door after coming back home from half way as his car crashed into a tree because he didn't see properly in such a heavy rain. He was wet and becoming angry for the time taken by Gitika in opening the door. He opened the door with his keys,inside there was so much silence that even tic-tic of the clock was audible.

" Gitika! Gitika! atchoo!" He was sneezing and shouting but Gitika was not visible anywhere. "Where is she?" He went towards the bedroom and before he can thump the bedroom door he heard voice of a man from inside," Darling, I know you are married but what is wrong in keeping this relation going?" Jatin fixed his ear on the door to hear their conversation clearly." But my husband is a good man,he loves me very much, moreover he is rich I can't leave him like that"," I know baby don't leave him but don't leave me either. He mostly remains in office and tours this time is enough for me to express my love,Muah!" Jatin started crying, he banged his head on his palm and asked himself where he went wrong.

He decided to open the door to caught her red handed, just then he got a pat on his back," What happened Jatin? What are you doing here at this time." Gitika was standing behind her with their son Aashish who was in a school uniform. She went to drop him school but returned to see the heavy rains. Jatin again put his ear on the door, this time he heard some jingle of a TV commercial," It was the voice of some serial on television", he said to himself." Are you crying Jatin?" "Me ! No! these tears.... perhaps due to cold." He told her that he was on a holiday today because his car crashed into a tree. She gave her towel and clothes.

" Darling! you should switch off the TV while going out." " Yes, I will darling..... and one thing what you were doing with that kitchen knife." He looked here and there and said," Apple! apple my love, you were not home so I think to eat an apple.Phew!"

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

UBC Day 13

Rhymed Confusion

Kapil and Riya were among those rare husband and wife which never fights or argue. They almost adjust with each other on matters of difference. Riya once said during their romantic conversation that she would prefer to die than hear some bitter words from him. Kapil at that time said,"we will never fight darling and if ever (may god forbid) any argument occurs we will resolve it by talking to each other politely." Since than they avoid circumstances which leads to quarrel between them.

But life did not follow our commands and sometimes its inevitable to bypass certain things. One day while cleaning the house Riya threw papers into garbage without checking them. Those papers were very important for Kapil and he might face humiliation in office for his negligence. In anger he forget all his promises and bombarded her with missiles from his mouth enough to start river of tears from her eyes. She went into the bedroom crying and locked it from inside.

After sometime Kapil realised his mistakes,he went towards the bedroom door and heard Riya talking with someone on phone. She said bun. He mistook it to be gun. "Gun! Oh My God!." Riya's words started revolving around his had that she would prefer to die than hear some bitter words from him. She said on phone to bring that gun to her immediately. He knocked the door forcefully. " Riya please open the door, I want to talk to you." She didn't respond. "Who is bringing that gun? What is in her mind?" Fear was visible in his eyes," wait a minute man,if she wanted to kill herself than why with gun? She can use knife or poison. Is she planning to kill me? " That thought intensified his fear three-fold, he said to himself that she might had called a killer home with a gun to kill him and to settle the issue. He thought to leave the house before that killer came.

He took his car keys and moved towards the door. Suddenly door bell rang,he watched through the fish eye on the door. A tall man with heavy moustache was standing at the door having a packet in his hand." OMG, he has come he looks criminal by face." He didn't open the door and ran towards the back door." I don't believe Riya can do this to me,those words were not so harsh to decide to kill your husband." He drove his car to the police station and describe the scene,on duty officer told him to leave his car there and came with them to his house in their Police Jeep." We should move fast we might caught him red handed." Kapil said to the police officer.He saw that man on the road and pointed to Inspector who stopped him. Inspector slapped that man and asked him to give his gun to them." Gun sir, I am delivery boy of that bakery . We possess bun not gun." They went to the bakery where they came to know that Riya has ordered some buns and that man went to deliver those buns to Kapil's house.

Kapil apologized with Inspector for mistake arisen from his rhymed confusion. They dropped him to his house where Riya was waiting for him. She had prepared his favorite burger to mollify him and amend her mistake. He also said sorry and kissed her.

After sometime police constable came to give his car back. " Kapil what happened,how your car reached the police station." He smiled and said," Due to this gun,I mean bun darling." He explained whole incident to her after which they laughed for hours.

UBC Day 5

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda